November Rain...

It's that time of the year here in US when the Christmas spirit is yet to be magical and the thanksgiving spirit is responsible for making your days all warm and fuzzy. The beautiful colors of fall have all dried up and the snow yet to come. So what remains... November rain!!
Rains in Mumbai and US are way too different from each other. In Mumbai, the rain is warm and the wind is cool, in US the rain is cold and the wind even more colder. Somehow the sweet smell that drifts up when cool water drops fall on the dried up ground doesn't exist here or maybe its just because the windows have to be closed over here all the time that we do not realize. In Mumbai you feel like getting drenched, looking up at the sky and smiling. here its so cold when it rains I go running into my closet to search for an extra jacket that would fit snuggly under my raincoat so not a drop gets through... In Mumbai i carried an umbrella and purposely closed it up when i walked back home, got wet, and told mom that the wind was just too much for my umbrella to handle. In US my only umbrella has lost its precious button and hence the ability to open. I cursed myself a thousand times today morning when i realized i had yet not yet bought a new one to replace that. Consequences of procrastination : Stuff the laptop compartment in your bag with free newsletters to avoid your laptop from taking a shower while you run to the nearest bus-stop shelter. Use your coat to cover the bag till you realize you aren't a polar dog meant to run through temperatures this low and decide to screw what happens with the laptop and cover yourself before you realize you have a few digits missing. I never knew that all the sneakers you got back in Mumbai that advertised "how your feet could breath through your shoes yada-yada" were actually true. I feel like duct taping all those tiny vents in my shoes when the wind is too cold or its raining outside, cause believe me if there was any more ventilation than this i'd rather walk just in my socks and not wear any shoes at all.
 Rains in Mumbai would mean mom is making hot Pakoda's at home cause dad loves them. In Mumbai no matter how much it rained my 'hot cup of tea' stays hot for long enough for me to sip it with pleasure, in US i have to reheat my cup of tea at least 3 times before i can finish it and not have gobbled it down.
However in Mumbai or in US, long conversations with friends over hot coffee/tea always remain the most rocking part of your day, a good book always seems to get you out of my rainy blues and into a great mood, a mushy/funny movie is always appreciated, a hot tea/coffee cup in your hand (even if its reheated a million times) is always welcome, warm socks and that snuggly jacket is always searched for, wish to meet your loved one is always gossiped over and mom made Pakoda's are always remembered.

PS: Pic of somethings that make a cold day worthwhile..

Unplanned part - 2 and more..

Pack you bags and get out was out mantra for the 3 days i was at Pittsburg. One such chilly morning when we started out with "very well made plans" of visiting the nearby temple since it was Diwali and visiting the temple would have been so auspicious, however then we heard the bells ring at a nearby cathedral and  the door was wide open. Need i say more. we were in  in a second and it was so beautiful. Stained glass windows depicting bible verses, a hundred candles lit at the feet of a humble statue of lord Jesus. Knelt and prayed for a while and just as we were heading towards the candles to light one and go out we met a fairly old gentleman who started telling us about his life. How he had gone from being wasted youth who was addicted to alcohol to meet his wife 'love of his life' and  how she had inspired him to take charge of his life and be an entrepreneur. PHe is the owner of a  medical equipments form called DMR in Pittsburg. When we checked out on net later on it indeed was true. He said some really profound things to us. The one that stuck with me was "Courage and Faith thats all you need". He kind of gave our trip a big closure when he talked about life so passionately, about being who you are and how Joann of arc dared to do things she never though were possible. After this we waited for two hours to execute our planned trip to the temple but this trip was never about having a plan...That church visit and the candle lit there was our diwali prayer. True when someone says.. "God is a presence"..present here..present where you want to pray to him :)

We spent the last evening at Pittsburg reading at a coffee shop, well trying to read as i tried to concentrate but all so many people walking outside kept distracting me. After a while i gave up and just stared out of the window. Got some postcards to mail and ate some fantastic Indian cuisine at night inspite of not being hungry..damn these taste buds will kill me one day. 

This was a few days back and now i am successful back to Bloomington, the town that i am have grown to love. Today the weather was so lovely i just couldn't keep myself at home. A lovely park bench and a book to fall in love with. What else do you need to live? :)

The evening ended with a swim after a long long time. I can feel a lot of forgotten body parts right now!!

Somethings are best, unplanned...

What is this life if full of care... we have no time to stand and stare... :)
                                                   - Leisure by William Henry Davis
This trip has been like the ones many of us plan and never get to execute.. The one trip without any plans.
The flight braved through a lot of clouds and made me feel like i was on some bumpy, roller coaster ride. Me and my friend actually started wondering what our last wishes would be if this was it for us :P. One and half hour after we had been airborne we landed safely at (very wet) Cleaveland Ohio. The connecting flight was even more of an adventure as the pilot seemed to be an ardent fan or F1 racing cause he turned the plane on the run way in speeds that seemed unreal for planes to be reaching at least when they are on ground. and as soon as he turned instead of the customary stop that planes take before getting into the 'take off' mode just gained more speed and within a a minute we were airborne.. phew! that was ...well something!!

The drive from the airport to mad-mex (a Mexican place that is supposed to be famous but i didn't like a thing that they served ) gave me a small glimpse of  a beautiful town on the banks of Hudson. It kept throwing up bridges after bridges lit up in a million ways and each built with a new shape in mind. Somehow I always seem to take a walk in the new place i am in either by coincidence or intentionally immediately after i reach. A 1st feel of the place. As luck would have it, our Pitsburg friend had to drop off his zip car and hence gave e an opportunity to see pitsburg out on the streets. The walk back gave me a view that i knew i would rarely get a chance to see. A walk down the empty roads of a new town at midnight. A town bathing in its own beauty. Minus the people. Just the buildings that are lit up in their own glory . People studying in the library. Cathedrals that have their domes bright and shiny, as if looking over the town. A visit to a gas station to arrange for tomorrows breakfast and the fear in the cashiers eyes when he sees someone a little too much in frolicking mode enter the shop. The walk home with my breath heavy with mist as the wind got colder.

The next day was exactly how  I could not have planned it.  It was raining when we got out of the house. The wind was cold but the streets filled with students. Again a different side than what i had experienced the previous night. Both CMU  and UPit are beautiful. The buildings are a good mix of old and modern architecture. Some even a 100 years old. Every hallway smells of fresh brewed coffee and old books. Every corner filled with students and laptops. Concert rooms humming with live recitals still ring in my ears. A little farther down the hallway a course on bagpipes mesmerizes you.Sculptures made from soft white stones adorn the hallways and there at the center of the campus stands a huge art work called "a walk to the sky" which is actually a huge pole slanted at about 30 degrees and has people walking on it skywards. Seems a little out of place but who am i to judge when IU campus has a mermaid and a huge red 'almost circle' as artwork. However  all these places reminded me of my school back in Bloomington and how everything about it is so much more beautiful. It also makes me realize i need to go explore my neighborhood more. That the best parts are yet unseen.

Next came the best part of the trip. A random walk without any plans made ahead of time, that made us take an impromptu break at Starbucks where I had some divine Cinnamon flavored coffee. Against the cool wind the burning hot coffee tasted like 'life' itself...A few steps ahead and it was time for another break, this time at the CMU museum of natural history, but as all unplanned things go we ended up chatting in the cafe for an hour rather than visiting the museum itself. Sitting at a place and watching the town go by tells you an entirely different story about any town. Students that crossed the roads. People huddling up close to each other as they walked passed. A lot of colorful umbrellas. A woman with all american clothes and pretty Indian earnings (jhumka's) that walked past with a huge smile on her face. A family enjoying a sumptuous meal on the table next to us. All of them a part of this town, its all of them that make this one different from the rest that exist. This town was more of youth and less of business suites walking around. This town was more of books and coffee and less of football. This town was more of food and museums and less of bars.

We did ultimately reach our destination (downtown) at about 6 in the evening. Ate at a Chinese restaurant where we ended up ordering just a lot of vegetables and no curry.  The fried rice was the best i have tasted or maybe i was just very hungry.  my friend looked at google maps and i looked at the shop names. Guess who was to discover the Burlington coat factory first?? I can't believe i beat google maps to it. Spent a lot of time trying on different hats, almost all the shades that were on display and every shoe that was available in a size larger than 8 (Disappointed as there were not much that were that big). Then some crazy impulse overtook us and in freezing temperatures we went to McD's and got ourselves some even more freezing mocha's. Up untill now only our bodies were cold now every inch of my body within me was freezing too, but it was a sinful experience none the less. A perfect unplanned 1st day ended with a sumptuous meal at an Indian restaurant with some really fantastic Indian food all complete with Samosa's, Naan's and Punjabi vegetable curries with paneer and not the usual tofu we find at every nook and corner. A meal where we ate cause our taste buds wouldn't allow us to stop even thoug i am sure if your stomachs could speak they were screaming bloody murder. A walk back home into the warmth of the night and the onset of diwali completed my day 'in another place', 'another town' and 'another everything'..But it will always be back to you.. just not today! Let me unplan for a few more moments here.

Pics: a bridge from the many during the drive from the airport and the freezing frape mocha's that two freezing souls devoured just on impulse.. :)

Breakaway...

In a way, I need a change From this burnout scene Another time, another town Another everything But it's always back to you....
             - Shattered by OAR


Sometimes you need to take a few songs seriously and act on them.. So in a period of two days we  booked tickets and i am in Pittsburg! Bloomington is addictive. I realize it now that i am away from it. I knew i'd miss it earlier too but i miss it more when i have a lot on my mind and not the familiar terrain to get all of it out on. Life makes you go all weired ways before it can show you what the right one is.. I have seen a lot of the weired ways i could go. Some are so becoming, they pull you into them. But i read somewhere one time "There is always a choice..". This time its my chance to chose. This trip is my nirvana, a choice to chose a few things to leave behind to find new addictions. I need to get back to things i used to love doing. Go back to swimming, now that i have the time. Go back to running, now that i can go back to it. Lose myself in things that always needed time and i could not give it to them. 
Another song that comes to mind : 

Maybe redemption has stories to tell
Maybe forgiveness is right where you fell
Where can you run to escape from yourself?
Where you gonna go?
Where you gonna go?
Salvation is here!

-    Dare you to move by Switchfoot

so true...


PS: was supposed to be posted last night... in the pic ..my path to salvation...where i can go on long long walks all by myself..

Moments like this...

So even if your day is really busy and you would probably not find enough time to sleep or cook there are still a few moments in life that make you stop in your tracks.. take a breath and wonder "yeah that definitely makes a difference in me"...
Living so far away from home has given me a chance to come up with quiet a few of these moments..not all are positive but none the less they made a difference...moments when i discovered that i can actually stay away from my family and not die makes me feel strong. To see people being extra ordinary leaders and take control of situations where you are not sure of yourself makes me feel confident of being able to do that someday, to know that 'kind' exist somewhere. To see people as calm as the breeze helped me realize that that's probably something i want to be. To keep a smile on my face when the going gets tough, to not worry bout the judgment made on me..these are the ones that unlike calm water do not ripple out at the slightest provocation but instead find a way around the obstacles they face. A few innocent smiles and shared secrets makes me realize that its not impossible to find friends.. that the innocence of friendship does exist somewhere even amongst all that is said and done... The fact that life still inspires me here to do something better ..something bigger ..... It makes me realize i am not here to wait on time.. that i have to keep moving on..
Life here teaches you to know the importance of little things in life and not always wait on a huge occasion to celebrate... making 'vegetable curry' successfully calls for a photograph and tasting each others kitchen disasters connects us...i have learned to live life differently here.. to live life in moments.. to let them inspire me..

PS: credits for tittle to my very recent friend and pic taken on a walk on a windy sunday morning..

You know you're in USA when....

1) You carry around 2 steel bottles/ travel mugs, one for water and the other for coffee to every class.
2) You have fruit flavored yogurt instead of plain old curd.
3) You check if its going to rain on your cell phone and not out of the window before you get out of the house.
4) You search for a paper napkin even when you know the tap is 10 steps away.
5) You see hand sanitizers on reception desks.
6) You put on your laptop on before you get out of your bed.
7) The only radio frequency you tune into is Pandora (which is not a frequency at all..).
8) You eat 'ranch sauce' with any and everything that is served to you.
9) Every meal consists of a ton of lettuce + pickle + jalapenos +RANCH + (Bread or Rice)
10) Every one has an energy bar stashed away somewhere in their bag.
11) People drink water from tap at home but would pay a dollar for it in college.
12) Everyone you meet will ask you "hey hows it goin?" and rarely wait for your answer (i am still trying to fugue out how do you reply to that so as your not the one giving a huge answer which you end up mumbling to yourself)
13) When you chose your milk after reading the %fat on it. (2% rocks..)
14) You have skimmed milk which is even worst than what your 'doodhwala' (milkman) used to deliver at your doorstep and you still buy it after all the protest marches you went for against adulteration of milk back home.

15) You hear the word 'like' about 5 times in every sentence.
16) When you have more to read in a week for assignments than you had for a semester back home.
16) When start asking ppl "how many miles" instead of kilometers.
17) You stock Indian snack beneath your study table so your classmates don't come home and finish your favorite ones.
18) When you buy bags of cereal that look as big as they sell dog food into and you realize you actually live on this stuff.
19) All the people that you know have names which sound like Hollywood stars or names that you, for the love of god, can't pronounce.
20) You are being served Pizza at every function or social you attend.
21) You find your whole class at the local bar every friday night.
22) You see more beer at every social than there are people around.
23) You get lost on the road and there is not a soul who you could ask for directions.
24)All 'Bills' are actually 'Williams' and almost all 'nicks' are actually nicholas, nikola, nikhil etc etc ...
25)You suddenly love all hindi songs..new, old... even himesh reshamiya!!
26) You find it easier to own a car or have a dog than have a friend.

PS: Those things in that pic are my staple diet  :) :)

A whole new world....

A month down in the U.S of A, the land of dreams as they say. The only song that comes to my mind when i try to summarize my 1st few days here would be "Bitter sweet symphony....That's life"...I landed in New York and lugged 4 super heavy suitcases into a taxi who's driver refused to help out ..after an almost broken finger, really sore arms and jet lagged mind i finally met a friend.. The way you feel when you're walking down an unknown path and see a familiar face is truly priceless. 'Chicken over rice' on road side stands felt just like 'vada pavs' in Mumbai.. Times square in all its glory, the Empire State building standing tall, long walk to the Brooklyn bridge, the statue of liberty shimmering in the afternoon sun and numerous round in all the subway trains all felt like an adventure trip. Just the way Alice would wander off into her dreamworld maybe.
                    Many have told me that you eventually do fall in love with New York if you stay there long enough. 2days have given me a fair idea about why they told me that. I reached Indianapolis the next day and as I stepped out of the airport and for the 1st time i realized i wasn't home anymore. It felt as if i was still back in India..some distant place maybe on vacation maybe.. but somewhere i knew i wasn't goin home for a long time. That this blue room was my home for some time to come now..(My room is painted with the darkest blue you could find ..i have no clue why anyone would do that..)

A month and many many experiences later i have somehow come to love this small town. If you own and can drive a car you can possibly take a trip across bloomington in about 15 mins but if you don't have a car and you need salt in your food and just realize you have none left in the closet its a painful 20 mins walk to the nearest shop..and i have to admit it i have had my fare share of these walks by now..The 1st few days i must have walked enough to complete a mini marathon i think. I walked to the stores. back from the stores. walked to get food ..money.. chairs ...beds... just walked and walked. Stood for 10 mins at a traffic light wondering why the sign wouldn't turn to "walk" before figuring out there was a button you need to press so that it could change...went for a 20 min walk got lost and reached home an hour later...Slipped and fell on the road. tore my only pair of grey trousers and got bruised..Applied as much sunscreen on my face as i would have used on my full body back in India and still got tanned...spent as much on buying a guitar as people have spent on getting an iphone..been stumped at the punctuality of the bus service..Played badminton, volleyball with some fantastic people...finally had some domestic friends...learned to play 'flip the cup' ..cooked with my roomy while youtube played all old hindi songs that only my dad used to listen to..got addicted to coffee...and learned to enjoy some really small things in life that otherwise would just get done in seconds.. In short the past one month has been crazy..hectic..ridiculously expensive (200 rs = 4$ for a coffee..r you kidding me!!!), living on pizza and all the possible things you could create if you put bread and cheese together..but its been fun. It a side of life that i have never known would become a part of me someday. Seen a different world. Seen people who know exactly what they want in life and wondered how i would get to that point and then at some point wondered if i really did want to be there.

But this part of my life's has just begun here.. Its an adventure...its a lotta work ...and sometimes it gets scary and sometimes it gets a little lonely...but none the less its a different chapter in my book. Something that's so new that i can't even imagine what tomorrow would look like.. but i know i want to be there... to feel it..

PS: I was feeling really blue one day and had gone to get stuff at walmart when i saw this ridiculously expensive book that i bought just cause i loved what was written on its cover.  The pic taken is the cover of this same book and it reads "The only requirement of having a dream is believing in it. - Molly Barker"

Taking flight....

Let go of fear and fly..

Spread my wings and seize the sky..

Believe in yourself tonight.

Run...leap and take flight...

Rainy day....

Flooded roads, traffic jams, frustrated drivers is what you can see in Mumbai when the rains begin. But if you roll down the window of you AC car you will see a different site. Cool breeze just waiting for you to roll your window down, the rain that it brings along, the street kids stomping around in potholes filled with water, the desperate attempt of a saree clad 'aunty' to save herself from the big splash that the bus going along side her rickshaw is going to make, the street lights as they look from your half rolled wet window.
When it rains it makes me want to go on long walks, to pester mom to make bhajiya or just sit with a steaming cup of hot tea on my window. And when its late at night and i am at my laptop conveniently located besides my window it makes me want to get my guitar out and forget the virtual world.
A few days back i went on my terrace and got throughly wet in the rain. I stayed there till the chill had spread to my bones and i couldnt stop shivering. The only song that played in my mind on repeat was...
Let the rain fall down
And wake my dreams
Let it wash away
My sanity
'cause I wanna feel the thunder
I wanna scream
Let the rain fall down
I'm coming clean, I'm coming clean
by hillary duff ....
Its experiences like these that take you back to your roots. Remind you of the innocent things long forgotten. Things that we dint need reminders bout when we were kids. The most simple things in life. The rainy days, when we used to run around in our building compounds fearlessly at speeds that felt as if we were flying..Where the thrill was beyond the fear in your mom's voice telling you to slow down.The victory was more than the fear of a scrapped knee. 

For some rains are bout sorrow. For some bout romance. For me they are about freedom and about being fearless about being me again. The simple 'me' without any complications. Bout waking my dreams, feeling the thunder and coming clean. 


PS : Pic taken at a traffic light on a rainy evening with the window being half rolled down.

Crushed

Ever since we are young we get this crushing feeling from inside like all my organs were falling into a spiral into some dark hole somewhere in the pit of your stomach and would disappear any moment.. Well as i got older i realized that's what it was i was having a crush on someone. I miss that now. I wonder how come i don't crush that easily now. A Few years back it used to come and go like the clouds in the sky perhaps. Come without reason n go before you knew it had ever been there.
A guy who lived opposite my house, My mech professor, A cute friend, The president of CSI ...crazy stuff and these are the only ones i can maybe remember something bout .. Many more gone in a day or in an hour...And at that time no one else could be more mesmerizing than the one you're crushing on..No one seemed more right. more handsome... and sometimes maybe just the personality ... it just makes you appreciate them.

Well if not anything else they at least made me confident about one thing. That i was straight. And of all these people when i see them now, i feel like i am the only sane person left in this world... and what the hell was i thinking back then...
The guy in in the opposite balcony he went to London.. thought my world almost crashed.. but then i realized what a weirdo he was... now when i think bout what i liked in him ...it was probably the way he stammered. :P (OK now i think i am the weirdo ) .... Mech proff .. holy god.. why and how... he was the strictest prof ever and maybe the most crazy one too.. he was bald and married... i haven't still figured out that one ... probably cause i was good at mechanics... let cute friends remain cute friends...they are better that way... and CSI well you can understand. he was smart and 'in demand' in college and plus he dint mind talking to me.. though i never figured out why he would lie to me about his company name. and how 'crushed' was i to think 'paint cannon' was actually a name someone could give their company... i mean what was i thinking... anyways.. guess i just dint want to tell him how stupid it was.. people call their company 'apple' and 'mango' so i wasn't totally insane in thinking that could be a name ....anyways... well now when i realize he lied to me. it kinda irritates me.... May back then i shouldn't have listened to him ... just given him my point of view... well that's another lesson you got to mature to learn about ...

Sometime i probably feel i should have gone or should go and speak to these people as i would now.. but then again maybe let them remain the crazy chapters in my life that dint ever have any 'The Ends' to them.