Moving on..

I have finally got my own domain or rather started using my domain. This blog is now moved to 

www.poonamkasekar.com

Silence..

The quiet in my happiness 

the chaos in my anger.

the blood in my fight 

waiting just a moment longer 

to see what i couldn't see

A moment with the stranger

hidden within me. 

Winter trees 

that brave the wind,

against the cold 

but not a leave to rustle

Clouds that float 

in the endless sky

through by window 

I see them pass by 

A journey to the moon

or a movie alone 

a search for  my dreams 

a search for my soul.

Lost within my world 

of words to keep

Memories made 

in sliver chariots they sleep.

An endless wait

for you to come home 

perhaps just an endless wait 

for me alone. 

Silence is how it all began 

Silence is where it shall all end

Silence is where i want to lose it all 

Silence is where i will find it again.

Happy Holidays :)

                                                                       

And its time again for people like me who live thousands of miles away from their family to get back home. Beg borrow and steal a few leaves from our busy lives, take 30 hour long flights just to get home. Oh yes! its holiday season again. Apart from the fact that a whole year has gone by without me doing anything that was really thought provoking or world changing ( holiday season is  definitely not a time for reality checks..) its time to be back home again. A time for family dinners, to spend hours decorating Christmas tree and hanging those silver bells and tiny trinkets and baubles on  it, a time to spend evenings chatting with friends who you have most probably  met after a year and in all probability will see again only after a year, a time when you love Christmas carols no matter if you actually know the words to them or not. You smile when you sing them, hear them, play them whistle them out or just even think about them. A time to believe in Santa again no matter how old you are or how many times you have seen your dad put presents under your pillow a decade back. For me its a time to interrogate all my friends take an inventory of the sweets that have made and then chalk up a schedule to go and hog on all those delicacies in record time. My personal favorites are little somethings called as rose hooks. No they don't look like hooks and nope they are not made up of rose petals but they make you take a trip to heaven every time you have one none the less.

Its also the season when you love putting on a few extra kilos from all the joy you share without being chastised for it.  A few extra cups of steaming sweet hot coffees/ chocolates that you get to have in the cool winters that are so loved and much appreciated by people in Mumbai where anything below 55 degrees  is winter. A time to watch all those Christmasy  movies you get to watch on TV where the north pole and thus Christmas is on the verge of extinction and is saved by that one naughty kid who would topped Santa's list had he not gone all out and saved the happy jolly man and his pack of reindeer s.

 Christmas is also a time for love. To spend time with those you love. A time to see smiles everywhere, brought on by little kids wearing Santa caps and running around or by millions of people that travel home through Jam packed airports and security lines that run miles long to hug and kiss those who come to get them at the airports. 

Christmas is also a time to thank someone up above for a wonderful year that has gone by. For all the things that went your way and all that did not. A season to forgive and learn to love again. A season to give and feel that warm tingly little feeling in your heart that tells you ' you did the right thing' by helping out someone or just doing that something you have been meaning to do for the past year but never really did it. 

Its also a time to see the town bathe in a new glow from all the decorations that are put up everywhere, a time to hope it snowed in Mumbai to see a white Christmas with your family. A time to hold on to your loved ones to make them stay just a little bit longer in the evening. A time for slay rides or just may be dream bout them. A time to hope that the Christmas magic exists, that all's good in the world and that dreams do come true. A time to hope life would be like movies and even if it doesn't its still a time to smile cause this might be the closest it will be. 

Cheers to all the Christmas joy and love. Merry Christmas to all my friends and hope you have the happiest of the holiday season :) 

PS : Pic of b-town bathing in the Christmasy glow and all the louuu or maybe i just have my Christmas glasses on.

A Roadtrip to remember..

A time again to move ahead, 

reach out a little far out,

cross a few more boundaries,

Explore that has not been sought.

Feel the rain on my face and the metal at my feet

drive through the winding roads 

and the trees that hug them tight.

Warm winds that run through my veins ,

make me spreads my wings a little more.

Teach me to live again,

oh! how they teach me to soar.

Towns I have never seen 

and people I would have never met,

museums and submarines,

and thousand yachts at sunset.

Islands undiscovered,

and dolphins that frolic so free,

a canopy of greens on wild turns

Maybe its all just a dream.

"You all" turns to 'ya'll'

and frost to sunshine,

In the gladness that fills my heart

I miss you.. Oh love of mine..

                                                       Clouds lined with gold,

and rays that burst out at sunrise,

Wild waves that crash  at the shore,

slowly coloring the southern skies.

The songs we sang will always be ours,

with a million pictures of me and you,

 little grains of sand that got stuck in my belongings,

I am back at my home but they remind me of you!

PS: Pic of Sunrise at Daytona Beach.

The journey..

Sunny skies and warm winds,
all you want to do is breath them in.
Till your heart's so filled with sushine,
that you can hold no more,
and your eyes end the lines
your smile had begun.

You can see the fall leaves blow
on the path you had just tred ,
with memories of smiles
with all  your new friends.
Food and wine, oh! the world is mine,
music and flashing lights,
Oh! how did i get here last night!

You sing a song and dance along
as your path you try to find.
You get knocked down,
but you're not out as yet
you'll learn to fight,
you learn to survive.

Evenings go by filled with clamor
and a few will be spent with,
a broken heart and none other.
The winds they blow Oh so cold,
you begin to wonder,
who steals the warmth from the hearts,
or is it maybe just the weather?

A few do come along,
hear your song and sing along.
Teach you what you would have never learnt
show you the right from the wrong
but as all good things have to pass
they too will soon say goodbye.

Dreams will build their sweet homes,
some will flow away with the seas of time,
some will keep you up at night..
Teach you to live, teach you to love,
teach you to see a brand new world.


You'll stand and stare at a sunset someday,
laugh at the sweet memories made,
take a deep breath and hold it all in,
taste the journey on which you have been,
take a step forward to live your dream,
Stronger more today than you have been,
Fiddle with your keys and hum for none.
Stronger even as you stand alone.

just another love story...

The pretty face you see, 

and the hand that you hold.

there is more to me, 

than what you behold.

I love with more than a kiss,

and I adore with my gaze,

there is more sorrow within me,

then what spills over as pain.

I can be in your arms, 

and my heart could still be empty,

I can worship you forever, 

and still be a stranger for eternity.

My love is not to be displayed, 

not for the worldly to understand,

but when you needed me my love, 

I would have held your hand.

No words would have been enough, 

no lies i would not tell.

No stone i would have left unturned,

no test i would have failed. 

Don't judge me on my dark days, 

I am human too, 

wishing someone loved me,

the way I have loved you.

But the world doesnt know me, 

and you have forsaken me too.

I will pick up the pieces of my broken heart,

and march on like i do.

And i wont cry
Not again this time
Cause my eyes have gone dry
from the pain i keep inside.

I may not dream of rainbows again, 

and fairytales may not thrill me no more.

but a smile shall always greet you 

when you cross my way tomorrow. 

and if i do not break ,

it does not mean i did not love, 

I loved you more than I could ever say,

I loved you more than you would ever know.

within me...

It stirs and jumps,

against the walls of your heart it thumps,

It pulls and pushes,

and gasps for a breath of fresh air,

Unfurls its wings in the dungeon within,

till its warm wings cant spread no more.

It lights up the dark with the dreams of an artist,

beautiful yet surreal,

they seem so near,

till you rise to touch and see them disappear.

it casts no shadow, it shows no weakness,

like a fool in love,  it marches on.

In a  world that seems flooded with roses ,

it dances, no care for the blood that oozes,

from wounds on its wings that scrape the walls,

of a heart battered and hurt.

Blessed are those that live to see,

it set free and watch it soar,

while so many more punished , 

just for a thought and no more.

Some call it a dream, some an illusion,

and some like me just call it Freedom.

 

...

I try not to think.

but he breathes within me,
I feel the rise and fall where my breath used to be,

I feel him brush against my heart,
 a bright red within a kingdom so dark

I try not to give in, 

But he seduces me,

I try in vain not to fall for the daedal dreams,

they swim in front of me like an ocean of purple mist, 

He beckons me to part my lips and taste freedom.

Forbidden as it may seem, the silver tempts me,  

I fall to my knees but he holds me up,

lets me crash into his arms instead,

a blue drop of dew rolls by,

and red velvet kisses it away,

I lay there trying to decide, maybe its not too late,

I push him away but he pulls me in,
in flashes of wine and orange we play,

I want to untangle my fingers but he tightens his grip,

the smooth silk against a bloodied mess,

but he doesn't complain,he turns on his charm instead,

I look into his eyes, entranced,

dark and mysterious, they welcome me,

the rush of blood to my head feels good,

but wait!, when did I fall down to the brown floor?

I question to know his name, 

as i feel the yellow of life fading away,

he comes closer and breathes into my hair,

'I am the angel of death' he says, 

I meet his gaze one last time,

and the colors begin to melt away,

I dissolve into my land of perfection,

deep within my shades of grey. 

A Moment for me..

Let me take a moment out of my life..

and spend it all on me..

not worried if i did the right thing or fumbled yet again

not waiting for someone to come and show me the right way.

Let me discover what i have forgotten,

the best things i have ever done

the last time i stood and took a breath under the sun,

My best idea or my worst nightmare,

let me, for a moment, forget the world tonight,

let me just sit at my window, by myself, and stare.

Let me forget all the judgement and remember my own thoughts

let me forget what i am supposed to do

let me remember something so simple as 'i loved fried eggs for breakfast'

Let me confess my love without inhibitions,

without the boundaries of should and should not.

let me decide my reasons for why 'i do' and why 'i cannot'.

Let me lay down my head for just a minute,

on the bosoms of  wild flowers,

let me walk endlessly no care about time and hours...

Let me run as fast as i can and forget the fear of falling down, 

let me feel the air through my fingers,

.. my heart racing.

Let me dance to my songs,ones that set me free, 

Let me live..let me feel the life within me.

PS: in the pic a wallpaper on my phone that says a lot..

A new Year..

A new year for all of us always well almost always begins with new promises being made, and majority of them actually to our own selves. We call them resolutions. A few (especially ones related to alcohol) made at the stroke midnight with that much loved champaign glass in our hand and some planned so throughly after a year full of crap you have got into due to these habits, which you eventually do get back to. There are also a few which start and last for about 2 weeks before you decide you have given your best attempt (these are often related to morning walks) and then there are a few which somehow like a 5 year government development plan get postponed to the next new year, which even then have no guarantee of being executed.

A new year also comes along with the dreaded week after new years when somehow, no matter how you try to distract yourself, you keep reminiscing about the year gone by. I should confess i am no exception to this pathetic behavior displayed by all hopeless humans. For me a new year brought along with it a new town in which i will be spending close to 7 months and amongst all the shifting and u-hauling and running to work at 7am and driving through crazy traffic  i still found time to day dream or think about the year gone by. About all the moments of happiness and disappointments, promises of morning walks and marathons that got marched on, of valentines day with my best girlfriend spent in the most 'karan johar film' style by cribbing about guys with a coke bottle at hand, of uncontrollable laughter with friends and gossip sessions with bffs, of job resignations and acceptance into MS, of paper boats sent out on streams on streets while walking without umbrellas, of airport goodbyes and sleepless flights, of landing in a new country, of new challenges faced and overcome, of friendships made and forgotten, of golden eyes and crooked grins,of hairy bears and volleyball games, of road trips and 1st snow fall, of new York and a world never seen, of ice skating and the nasty falls had, of being at the most happening place in the world and wanting to step out, of family and friends missed and remembered, of losing myself and waiting to discover...

But as always a new year is always a fresh start .. a chance to start anew,with a new job in a new country. Time to discover some new talents, some new hobbies, get into some new adventures and sing a few new songs, travel to new places and meet new people. A brand new chance to rediscover..to start what you never dared ...to be what you never could..to chose...to breakaway all over again..

"Out of the darkness and into the sun
I wont forget all the one's that i love,
i gotta take a risk, take a chance, make a change,
and Breakaway...."

PS: Pic of wall street at NY (buildings with a hundred floors ..swinging on revolving doors maybe i donno where they'll take me).. taken on a walk back after a day spent walking around on one of the last days on 2010.